Let’s see, Monday was “Manic Monday” so that must make Tuesday “Terrible Tuesday” and Wednesday “Whacked out Wednesday”. Not kidding folks. I’m going to tell you all a true story about yours truly that you might not know. I’m a con. Yeah, that’s short for convict. I know. I know. How could your sweet little innocent Southern Sweetheart be a menace to society? Well settle in for a few minutes and I’ll tell you. (read grab some popcorn, a little lengthy but worth it…I think….)
The story begins like this. I’m a night owl so it should be no surprise that I’m up piddling around my house at 1:30am last night. All is well, peaceful even, in my humble abode until all of a sudden my doorbell is being rung off the house followed by a quick, hard, fist pounding on the door. What the hell?!??!?!?!?!!!! Who on earth rings your doorbell at that time of night (booty calls withstanding) and sounds like they’re going to break the door in? I mean really. Scared me shitless. After attempting to peep through the peephole to see who’s there – to no avail – I ran upstairs to look out the window only to see that there were 2 police cars out front.
I wasn’t exactly dressed to open the door, if you know what I mean, so a quick “OMG grab something and put it on and get to the door” set in. By the time I got back downstairs they were driving off. I even turned on the front porch light and opened the door hoping they would see me, but they didn’t.
Now, I don’t know about you, but when the police come to your door in that fashion, at that time of night it can’t be good. I immediately thought something was wrong with my mother and so I picked up the phone and proceeded to call her. Yes. At 1:30 in the morning.
All was fine with Mom but I still had no clue why the hell the police were about to break down my door moments before.
The mind started racing trying to figure out what to do. Do I forget about it and go to bed? Do I call my “rent a hubby” friend who happens to be a Captain and ask WTF? Do I call 911? What should I do?
I made the decision to call the non-emergency number for the police department. Some chick answered the line “911 dispatch” and I proceeded to tell her what had happened and why I had not gone to the door and could she tell me what this was all about. Of course, she tells me “Well I know they were there but I’m not sure why, I will send them back over.”
I don’t know where these cops had gone but they were back in front of my house before you could count to 2.
I opened the door to a flashlight being shined in my face and house and to 2 officers. Not sure the dispatch had told them why I had not opened the door the first go ’round, I proceeded to tell them. They didn’t say much to that but instead proceeded to tell me why they were there.
They had a bench warrant for my arrest!!!! WTF?!?!?!?
My heart dropped to my feet and I can only imagine the look on my face. What the hell had I done, your Southern Sweetheart, that warrented being taken to jail? I was clueless.
Of course I commenced to asking questions and frantically telling them they couldn’t arrest me, that I had never been in trouble for anything a day in life, I couldn’t have a record, etc etc — I freaked out. The stern cop with the paperwork in his hand proceeded to tell me the events of my demise.
Remember back HERE, where I shared this story? Well, there should have been another post around June 5th of the same variety. Why I didn’t share it with you people I don’t know. But in early June I was stopped for speeding for the THIRD time in a SEVEN month time frame. I begged and begged and begged for the state trooper not to write me a ticket because I had just so recently had the other 2 and I knew I just couldn’t affort to get yet another one. I somehow managed to talk myself out of it and got away with a warning for the speeding (read pulled low V-neck shirt even lower and begged). What I didn’t get away with was a ticket for failure to provide proof of insurance. I had insurance but didn’t have my card with me so the officer wrote me a ticket for $125 but told me if I went by the Courthouse before or on the court date and showed them my proof of insurance I wouldn’t have to pay.
I was estactic at the time because here I was being stopped for the THIRD time in a very short period and somehow I was managing to get a pretty good deal.
Well people, its only a good deal if you follow through with what the kind officer tells you that you need to do. GO TO COURT and provide proof.
Umm hmmm. The police were banging down my door (or so it seemed) at 1:30 in the morning because I failed to appear for court.
Thankfully, they didn’t take me to jail – or even handcuff me (whew, cause the only handcuffs I’ve ever been in were fun ones in my bedroom, not real ones in the back seat of a squad car and I’d like to keep it that way!!!) – but rather they told me I MUST be at the Magistrate’s office first thing in the morning (Wednesday) or they would be back tonight (Wednesday) and WOULD arrest me, and I WOULD sit in jail for 30 days. 30 days!!
You better believe I got practically no sleep last night and I was at the courthouse before they opened this morning attempting to take care of things.
Not only did I have to pay the $125 fine for the violation, I also had to pay some sort of bench warrant fee —– for a mere total of $258.50!!!! You do understand me don’t you people? I had to pay $258.50 for something that had I gone to court when I was suppose to wouldn’t have cost me a dime!
Oh. That’s not the end. I’m paying the chick the money and she proceeds to tell me that because I had missed court that essentially I had been convicted of failure to provide proof of insurance and that I was technically driving under an Administrative Suspension of my license! Holy Mother of Fuck. What the hell does THAT mean?
It meant that I had to go to theDepartment of Motor Vehicles — wait in line 3 – count them, 1-2-3 times, to get everything taken care of. Basically, I had to call my insurance company and have my agent fax over on letterhead a statment saying that I had carried coverage on my Aviator since July 2003 with no lapse in coverage. The chick at the DMV entered all the information into the system – which by the way – had nothing about my supposed suspension or violation in it. She entered all the info anyway “just in case” and told me that I should be alright…….EXCEPT that I could potentially have to pay $100 fee for the reinstatement of my license from “administrative suspension” back to “normal” – whatever that is. WTF? There’s nothing to “reinstate” b/c there was nothing in their system that had me “uninstated” —– WHATEVER. She said not to worry about it unless they sent me a letter. If a letter comes I’ll have to pay yet another $100.
I know this was all my fault. I take responsibility for my actions. But for Christ’s sake, I may end up paying just under $400 for something that didn’t have to cost me anything! What an idiot.
So, let this serve as my public service announcement to all of you.
1. Don’t speed.
2. If you do, be honest with the officer, and if warrented, beg for no tickets. Ladies, flirting has always helped me, so has a little pulling down of the top — I’m not suggesting that you do this, but merely telling you what’s worked for me. Gentlemen, I have no tips for you. Sorry.
3. If you get a ticket, GO TO COURT. PAY THE FINE. ON TIME.
4. If you fail to do #3, don’t come crying to me because I just warned you all.
So that’s my story. I was a convict last night. I could have been cuffed, stuffed, and thrown in the slammer. Rather, I’m happy to say that the only cuffing, stuffing, and being slammed remains within the confines of my home (well not really, there have been many other places) and that’s how its going to stay!!!!
Here’s hoping that Thursday will be “Thank God nothing else happened Thursday” and that Friday will be “Fantastic Friday” — I mean, after Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I deserve a break right?
I don’t have anything to really say tonight – I’m just in a happy go lucky kind of mood and having a really good time. Life is good. Last night I came home from work & had a few drinks……today I worked my ass off, had a pedicure, came home and had a few drinks…..this past weekend, I went out of town with a friend – had a blast and had a few drinks…..
