I’m ONE Year Old Today!!

Well people, I made it to the One Year mark here in blogland. Boy is it hard to believe! I never thought I could/would come here on a semi-consistent basis to write and never in my wildest dreams did I think that anyone would actually read the musings I utter forth here. Afterall, its just a simple utterance of the life and times of a Southern girl that likes to amuse herself by thinking she’s a Sweetheart of sorts.

At the start of this journey was a girl that needed to let down a wall or two and release some pent up frustrations with a personal relationship she was involved in. I felt as if I had no where to turn and no one that would understand my situation. I felt that if I talked about it to my friends that they wouldn’t understand or worse – that they would judge me. When you’re in the trenches alone judgment is the last thing you need. So I sought out a place where I could write….and it didn’t matter if anyone listened or read – what mattered was that I was relinquishing the internal heartache and setting free the things I had harbored for so long. Writing has always been therapeutic for me – and so, back to the basics, and back to writing is where I travelled.

I’ve shared many of my life tales & excursions here, both heartfelt and humorous at times and I’ve allowed some personal walls to come down with my emotions more times than I care to admit. It’s frightening at times to revisit some of my posts and read the so very personal and intimate reflections of my soul. It even scares me to know that I allow my vulnerabilities to pentrate through and make a presence here – in black and white – in print. You guys see sides of me that my family has never seen, nor my friends — the side that is covered and hidden and vast. But for some reason, I allow you guys in….to see me.
Admittedly, often I regret that.
Some things are better left unsaid, unseen.
But for now, being able to release my feelings in this medium is still therapeutic — and sometimes even humorous – and while my reasons for venturing here are still the same, my “inspriation” is thankfully different…..

I’ve grown.
I’ve traversed the valleys.
Climbed the mountains.
Scaled the cliffs.
Paddled through rough waters.
Glided over smooth ones.
Lifted my sails and
Sailed my vessel.
Walked a vast forest.
Ran across open plains.
Stood in the darkness
And felt the pain.
I’ve uncovered characteristics.
Shed old ones.
Slothed off the cripling skin.
Made a new shell.
and nourished the core.
I am a new being
But I’m still your Southern Sweetheart.

Thank you for spending time here and for taking a moment out of your ever busy lives to learn about mine. Thank you for the encouragement when I’ve been down, the laughter when I’ve needed to smile, and the presence of knowing that someone was interested in my life’s events. I’ve made many friends here and I’ve met people that undoubtedly I never would have had the opportunity to know without having set foot here…..and so, I’ll carry on, along my journey, dropping tidbits of my character and my life as I go. Read on if you care to….because where this journey leads is still being revealed…….

Happy Blogiversary to me!

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Just in case you’re curious as to what my first post written was, you can find it here. Sadly, it’s still relevant for today. Ha!

Rain

Ever want to just stand in the rain and feel it soak your hair and run over your skin? Natural tendencies tell us to get in out of the rain – to stay dry. We scramble to avoid the water falling like teardrops from the Heavens. We don’t enjoy the rain, we don’t appreciate all it has to offer – we take it as an inconvenience or a necessary evil.
I’m guilty.
I don’t always enjoy the rain.

Then there are other times. Times when I love it.
Times when I like to lay in my bed with the covers pulled over my ears listening to the cadence of the rain beating rhythmically against the window panes,
Or times spent laying in the dark listening to thunder as it rolls,
Or staring at the walls watching the lightening strikes make colorful streaks on them.
I love those times — and yes, still I’m dry, sheltered from the storm outside.

And then there is tonight. A night where thunder is loud, cracking, popping. The sky sounds angry and upset and the rain begins to pour – like the sky is vigorously weeping. It’s the middle of the night. I’m awake and I feel like I’m being summoned…outside…to enjoy the downpour. My patio is private, there are no lights from streets, and it’s surrounded by trees. I listened to the summoning – the beckoning of nature. I walked to the back door, pulled the curtains to the side of the window and looked out…..
but that wasn’t close enough.

I wanted to feel it.
I wanted to touch the rain, to let it touch me, to feel it beat on my skin and wash over me.
I wanted to enjoy it, embrace it.

And so I did.
There in the dark quiet room of my home I purged my thoughts,
shed my clothes,
unlocked the door,
and walked out into the night and into the rain.
I stood there on my patio with winds whipping around me, trees tops swirling, leaves rustling, thunder rolling and rain pouring….. it was washing over me, soaking my hair, beating my shoulders, trickling down my body. It was peaceful to me, I felt like part of nature, and yet I felt like I was releasing an inner aura…dispensing it onto the surface of my skin and allowing the rain to wash it away. A cleansing so to speak.

I don’t know how long I stood there. I lost track of time sort of – enjoying the things our Creator made for us tends to dissipate time, you know.

I knew when it was time to retreat back to the comfort of my home…..I turned and opened the door, walked inside, and slowly made my way to the shower. There in the pitch black dark of the bathroom, I turned the water on and stepped inside. Felt very similar to the rain outside, only it was warmer. I’ve never taken a shower in complete darkness. It was a calming treat.

And now I sit.
Head and body now dry.
Light from only the laptop.
Sharing my night…here…..and listening to the thunder rolling and the rain dancing…..
It’s time to return to bed. I’m sure I’ll sleep well with the rain pattering outside.
I hope you all do too.
And the next time its raining at night, and you have a private place to enjoy it, you should. Let it wash over you, feel it caress your skin and enjoy the wonder of nature and all it has to offer. For once, don’t try to stay dry…..

Slugger Update

Went to another baseball game tonight and watched the Slugger play again. Care to know what he did this time? Too bad, I’m going to tell you anyway – cause it’s my blog and all… First time to the plate tonight and on the first pitch thrown to him he hit ANOTHER HOMERUN OVER THE CENTERFIELD FENCE!! I just love it!!! He wasn’t pitching tonight but instead was playing catcher. Pitching and Catching are his 2 favorite positions because of all the action (he’s constantly playing). He had a great game and the team they played was pretty good too. We were ahead by a couple of runs and then this team came to life a little and tied it up. Fortunately, we stuck with it and won 8-6 thanks to a double hit by my nephew when the bases were loaded. We haven’t lost a game this season and losing tonight would have been painful. And yes, I know – it’s not how you win but rather how you play the game………… we just happened to play the game very well tonight! haha!

Came home and went with a friend to the late showing of The Da Vinci Code. I won’t spoil the movie for those of you that want to see it by telling you anything about it. All I’ll say is that I loved it! Great movie! And yes, I read the book — long before it was popular to read.

Alright, nighty night people — gotta get my beauty sleep! Hope you all have a great weekend if I don’t get back here to tell you again before Monday!

May 18th….

Today is my Dad’s Birthday. He would have been 76 today.
Happy Birthday Daddy. I Love You and Miss You Dearly.

xoxo,
~Daddy’s Little Girl

Live…..

…..from Atlanta it’s Southern Sweetheart!

Hello! Hope you’re all having a fantastic week. Mine has been busy as I don’t know what!! I’ve been burning up the road for work this week – I bought gas to fill up my gas guzzling SUV Monday morning to the tune of about $70 and then had to fill it up again this afternoon — 2 days later — for another $70 bucks! Oh well, I cannot walk to these places and keep my schedule so buy expensive gas I shall.

Anyway, just thought I’d pound out a quick update. Last week I mentioned my nephew and what a great ballplayer he is & and I told you guys that I would not be missing games. Well I stayed true to my word. I went to watch him play last night and as promised I was the loudest one in the stands …… well, the loudest one that wasn’t causing trouble. There was this one man there that was running his mouth so much to the umpire that the ump almost called the game! There’s no sense in that. Nevertheless, my nephew must have been tuning him out while he was on the mound pitching because he was throwing strike after strike. Yowsers! He really does throw hard for a 10 year old! This week he didn’t pitch a no hitter – but what he did do was hit a HOMERUN over the centerfield fence!!!! And I don’t mean a homer that just plopped politely just on the other side of the fence —- he smacked the heck out of that ball and it went about 30 feet beyond the fence!! I had my camera but unfortunately I was yelling and jumping up and down too much to even think about taking a picture. My little baseball stud was trotting around the bases like a pro. I know – I’m bragging – but what can I say? I love him and I’m a proud aunt!

Well, that’s it for now. I’ve got lots to do and little time to get it done before morning so I’m outta here. Hope you’re all having a great week and that life is treating you well. Life is about as perfect as it can be for me right now and I’m happy.

I’m Not One….

…..a Mother…… and I was reminded of it bluntly when my neice made the comment that “(my name) if you would just get married and have some kids we could be celebrating Mother’s Day with you and you could be opening gifts today too.” She tells me this every single year when it’s Mother’s Day and it irks me to no end. I wasn’t feeling well and without thinking I responded, “thank you (her name) I appreciate you reminding me of that fact again this year.” I honestly don’t think she says it to hurt my feelings but her mother and older siblings should have clued her in before now that it’s not a nice thing to say. But no, they all think I overreact when she makes these comments. I don’t feel that my response was out of line at all and I don’t think they realize just how hurtful what she said was. I want more than anything to marry and have a family – it’s not like I forever want to be single and carefree, but I guess because I keep my walls up and for the most part act as if it doesn’t bother me to be single it gives the impression that its ok to make comments like the one above.

That was just the first half of my afternoon. I also spent today with my sister’s in-laws family. Ever since my father passed away and it’s just been my Mom and I in the town we live in, for holidays or special occasions we always go over there. The family is huge. My brother in law is one of 6 children and is the youngest at 40 years of age — all his siblings have 3 or 4 children and most of them are old enough that they’re married and have children of their own. The number of immediate family members total in the 50-60 range and I believe there are 5 generations of them when they all get together. Sounds like a lot of fun with a bunch of people.

Wrong.
I hate it.
I am the only single person there other than the teenagers or children under the age of 18. Keep in mind, I’m 31. I am the only one without any children – and trust me – everyone there has children – there are kids everywhere. AND I’m the only female there (other than my mom) that works in the corporate world. I have absolutely nothing in common with the girls/women because of all the above and consequently they have no understanding about my job or career or why I enjoy working, etc. There’s no common ground. I’m miserable the entire time I’m there and on Mother’s Day it’s just compounded. I’m reminded of all the things I want in life that I don’t have and it blatantly slaps me in the face.

As if that weren’t enough of a damper for the day, Mother’s Day reminds me of the fact that I could be a mother with a 4 year old darling right now. I’ve never talked about this here – other than the obscure reference in my “101 Things About Me” and I’m not really going to talk about it right now either. I guess my point in even mentioning it is the fact that I wish I were and I often wonder if that was my only chance to ever be a mother……wow….what if it was? It’s something I think about daily and I know that I will never escape those feelings or be able to go through a day without pondering those thoughts. Mother’s Day is hard…. what if?

I really didn’t come here to put a damper on anyone’s day but rather just needed a place to vent & ponder. I sincerely hope that all you Mothers reading this have had a wonderful Mother’s Day today and that your chidren and family have honored you and shown you just how very much you mean to them. I took today and spent it with my Mother (and family) and I cannot tell you how very much my mom means to me. She’s been a pillar for me and an example for me and if I turn out half as good as my Mother I will have certainly accomplished something terrific with my life. I hope I honored her today in the best way possible and I’m sure she knows how very much I love her – it didn’t take Mother’s Day for me to show her. Showing her and telling her is an every day thing for me. I owe her so very much and I will forever be grateful for her. Happy Mother’s Day Mom.

I hope you all have a great Monday!!

SWING! Batter Batter Batter Batter SWwwwing!!!!

Sorry I haven’t been around much lately people. This thing called life has kept me occupied and work has almost consumed me lately. So much to do and not enough hours in the day and as a result that has meant no blogging. I guess that’s alright though because I haven’t really had anything of substance to say anyway. I’ve said before and I’ll say it again, I usually just come here and start typing — but the last few times I’ve opened up this blogger window no words would find their way from my fingertips to this screen. Anyway, I’m only here tonight to mark something in time…. what might that be you ask? Well, I’ll tell you.

I few posts ago I mentioned my nephew and the fact that he’s a great ballplayer….so, I just wanted to come back and brag about him. Last night he pitched his first ever NO HITTER! Whoo hooo!! He’s only 10 but he plays like a pro at times. You think I’m partial? Yeah, I probably am but he really is an All Star. I’m so proud of him. I wish I could have seen him play last night – yeah you heard me. I missed the GAME!! ARG! I got tied up at the office and by the time I had resolved the issue at hand the game would have been over before I could have driven myself there. I feel like I let him down in a way. He’d never tell me if I did but I should have been there. Family first you know…and I slipped. Well no more. Work will have to wait!! I’ll not be missing any more “firsts” when it comes to his ballgames!! And just for kicks, I plan on being the loudest fan in the stands!

Hope everyone has a great Thursday!

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Quote for the Day: “ Pitchers, like poets, are born not made.”
~Cy Young

Tagged

It’s been a while since I was “tagged” to do a meme but Bellarosa over at Dandelion Wishes decided it would be fun to pull me into this one for a little fun. So, I’ve obliged and admittedly had a chuckle a time or two when hitting forward on my ipod for the next song.

Play if you want to — I’m not tagging anyone inparticular since I’m not one to normally do these things myself, so if you want to play feel free…..

Here are the rules: Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question. Post this on your blog. Leave a comment here when you post it on your site.

~Will I get far in life?
In The End – Linkin Park…….Interesting answer, hopefully I’m not “in the end” of my life.

~How do my friends see me?
I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing – Aerosmith…..Not so sure this is how my friends see me, but it’s true, I don’t want to miss a thing!!!

~Where will I get married?
Yanking Out My Heart – Nickelback….hmmm…Not gonna read too much into this one.

~What is my best friend’s theme song?
It’s My Life – Bon Jovi…….This should be one of MY theme songs — not hers!

~What is the story of my life?
Don’t Get Around Much Anymore – Natalie Cole…. Boy, how true is this???? Yeah, don’t want to ponder this one for too long either.

~What was high school like?
Higher – Creed…..hmmm definitely not what HS was like for me…..

~How can I get ahead in life?
Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong….. nice

~What is the best thing about me?
Love is a Sweet thing – Faith Hill…….Love is a sweet thing and I am too. NO snickering! I am! Really!

~How is today going to be?
Addicted – Kelly Clarkson….Addicted? To what? A certain someone? maybe…

~What is in store for this weekend?
Semi-Charmed Life – Third Eye Blind…..hmmmmm

~What song describes my parents?
Not Coming Home – Maroon 5……………weird.

~My grandparents?
Real World – Matchbox 20………..also weird. I only knew one of my grandparents.

~How is my life going?
How Sweet It Is – James Taylor…….Everyday isn’t “sweet” but I’m determined to make it as sweet as I can.

~What song will they play at my funeral?
Life of My Own – 3 Doors Down…. How appropriate.

~How Does the world see me?
This Is How You Remind Me – Nickelback…………….no comment

~Will I have a happy life?
The Unforgiven II – Metallica……….I am too forgiven!!!

~What do my friends really think of me?
I’m Your Angel – Celine Dion and R. Kelly………..Yeah, I’m an Angel! What? I am!

~Do People secretly lust after me?
Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leppard…….This made me laugh!

~How can I make myself happy?
Another Brick in the Wall – Pink Floyd…..I wonder if this title could be a reference to my always wanting to build walls around myself to protect my vulnerabilities?? hmmm

~What should I do with my life?
I’m Not Your Average Girl – Indie Arie………..Nope, I’m definitely not the average girl, but I haven’t got a clue how this tells me what I should do with my life. I guess continue not being average.

~Will I ever have children?
Patience – Guns N Roses……Boy. I couldn’t have hand picked a title any more appropriate than this one!

~What is some good advice?
Don’t Phunk With My Heart – Black Eyed Peas……Scarily true. My heart is a delicate thing.

~What is my signature dancing song?
Ain’t No Mountain High – Marvin Gaye…..Doesn’t every chick love to dance to this song?

~What do I think my current theme song is?
Knockin’ On Heavens Door – Guns N Roses……………Um. No. I’m not ready yet.

~What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Here Without You – 3 Doors Down………….No wise cracks about this one people.

~What type of men/women do you like?
Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd……For the record, I do not want a man to be “comfortably numb” in any sense of the word.

Ok people. There you have it. Again, if you feel like playing go ahead. Have fun!

A Non-Professional View

The saying goes, “Never let them see you sweat.”

What about letting them see you cry?