Stupid Ass Blogger!

Ok. I’m pissed.
PISSED I tell you.
Stupid ass blogger made me convert to the new blogger and it wouldn’t be so bad had it told me a few things before I did it.
“Like what”, you ask???
Well, probably like many of you, I have several gmail accounts or profiles — from when I originally started this blog thing and didn’t know what I was doing. I had a blog under another profile that I never used – in fact I think it only had one or two posts on it from way back in 2005 but my gmail account tied to it was the same email account I used to put in for this conversion thing. So what did it do? I merged my normal blog stuff under one profile with the blog stuff I never use under the old profile and what did I get?????? My profile listed here on this place — from the OLD crap I never used. I’m probably not making any sense at all right — but basically, whereas I had like 1400+ profile views under my normal blog profile – I now have something like 44… from my old blog profile I never used! WHAT!#)(%&(#^@#$(&@#)!!!!! AND – it took all my information that I had in my profile and replaced it with the crap I had before on the old one. I’ve just spent the last 30 minutes trying to get it straight and back to what it was before this clusterfuck merge of profiles. Seems they would have told you what to expect before it made you convert.

Anyway, I was going to come here and tell you people that I finally found my replacement toy and give you all the juicy details on what I ordered, etc but now I’m too pissed off to write it.

Maybe I’ll come back later when I’ve cooled off and the game is over.

I need a drink.
And yes, I’m PMSing if anyone wants to know. That gives me full reign to be a pissy bitch over this fiasco.

The Washcloth…….. & Mourning…..

Thought I’d share a story with you that someone emailed me….

This would sooooo totally happen to me if I had children!!!

“This has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won’t crack up over this! I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn’t have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, “My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?” I didn’t respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.
After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, “Mommy, where’s my washcloth?” I told her to get another one from the cabinet. She replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.” NEVER going back to that doctor ever!!”

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I posted the above earlier today and had good intentions of coming back tonight and updating but I think I’m just too worn out to type what all I wanted to say.

Maybe I can share a little….

1. Tomorrow a very good friend of mine is coming to town. He’s actually a sales rep for a company I do business with and we have a meeting schedule with another guy for Friday morning. He decided to come over a day early so we could go out and have dinner and catch up. If you’re a flickr friend and want to know who I’m talking about go over to my flickr page and look for the picture of me and Mark. He’s such a hottie. Dinner with him…..hell, anything with him is always a treat. (Get your mind outta the gutter!)

2. A friend of mine at work got a puppy for Christmas. It’s a Bischon Frise – (maybe I spelled that right). Anyway, it’s just the cutest little thing ever! I’ve been mulling over getting another dog for a while. I used to have a cocker spaniel but had to put him to sleep a few years ago. Since then I’ve had the ups and downs of wanting another dog and just haven’t followed through. Jake was an outside cocker but I think I may want an indoor little dog….and I think I’ve fallen in love with the Bischon Frise. I’m going to puppy-sit for my friend this weekend. I think it will be a good test for me. I’ll either come out of this weekend eager to sink several hundred dollars into a puppy or will be estactic that I don’t have one of my own. Who knows.

3. Many of you asked about me in the last post. (Thank you!) I’m fine… Was just having a “Southern Sweetheart Moment” and the best medicine at the time was to just take a deep breath, exhale, and repeat.

4. I need a major vacation. Does anyone have a vacation house on an island somewhere far, far away that I can spend a week relaxing in? I’ll gladly take a mountain cabin too. After the 8 month project I just finished I think I’m WAY overdue for some ME time.

5. And last, but certainly not least, I am really distraught and am preparing to mourn. “Big Sexy” is in intensive care and I’m extremely worried about him. He’s my biggest, sexiest, most gratifying toy in the drawer and he’s dying a slow painful death (painful for me that is). I seriously have almost cried over him for the last few days. This past Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday when I broke him out of the drawer he looked withdrawn, overused, and just plain tired….. I gave him a pep talk and things began to look up but then – just in the crux of my need for him to perform he wound down and made the worst possible noises you can imagine………….and then he stalled. STALLED! I was NOT happy. I’ve searched for over a year now for the exact same toy as a replacement for him and haven’t been able to find one. I even bought a new toy when I went to the Love Shack in Atlanta several weeks ago and I was certain that my new toy would be sure to make me squirm in new ways…..but he hasn’t held a candle…or an “O”….to Big Sexy. I know its only a matter of time before he’ll never raise his head again and when that happens this place will be draped in black. When a girl finds THE TOY for her its like losing her best friend when he bites the dust. What in the name of all things wet and horny am I going to do????? If anyone has any suggestions for replacement toys please let me know. I HAVE GOT TO ORDER A NEW ONE PRONTO!

Deep breath…… Exhale…… Repeat.

Deep breath……

Exhale……

Repeat.

I Need A Man to……..

I just worked a 16 hour day and have been on my feet for most of them – the last 7 of them in 3 inch heels. I’ll pay top dollar and throw in a few special favors for a foot massage. Any takers? Please? I SAID *special* favors!!!

OMG my feet are throbbing and I think I just may cry as I try to accend the steps to my bedroom.

I’ve worked like a mad woman all week trying to finalize a major project and if I weren’t afraid of someone from work finding this blog and reading anything on it I’d share what I’ve been up to, but I’ve seen so many people get into trouble at work because of their blogs that I think it’s best not to discuss that area of my life here. Anyway, just know that the culmination of 8 months worth of work has finally arrived. Tonight was a gala event and previewing for 500+ of our best customers & I must admit it was a fabulous event. After all the blood, sweat and tears I’ve shed during these last several months I can admit it’s all been worth it. Maybe now I can get back to the basics and back to some sort of normalcy in my life.

I’ll catch up on everyone’s blog tomorrow……until then…….how about that foot massage? I don’t want to beg, it’s really not my thing but they hurt like hell and I need some attention. Please?

Where is a man when I need one?

Sleep….

Can someone tell me why I stay up late dragging out the night for hours on end when I’m WAY past sleepy and should be in the bed? I do this every single night it seems and I don’t know why.

It’s shortly after midnight here (still early for this night owl) but I’m going to force myself to get in the bed. I’m sure if I just. go. to. bed. i’ll fall asleep.

We’ll see. If I’m awake in an hour I’ll be back.

Until then everyone join hands and lull me to sleep by singing….

Go to sleep, close your eyes
Tomorrow’s a new day
Go to sleep, close your eyes
Tomorrow we…will….play….

If the singing doesn’t work I’m open to suggestions……..

Walking the Plank

This blog came into existence over a year and half ago as a result of a torrid, lascivious, libidinous, & passionate affair of my mind, body, and heart. I had walked away from something that on one day my heart yearned for and on others it ran from. I wanted everything that was happening and had been happening for years to flourish into something even more grand than I had already conjured it to be in my little head.

But.

I couldn’t keep going down a path that ultimately lead to a dead end and I made a decision to walk away, to leave it all behind and to move on with my life. This began my journey here and my need to utter forth the hurt, discouragement, and fear that I was living at that time. This was my outlet because I couldn’t and wouldn’t talk to anyone else.

I’ve come a long way since then and it hasn’t been all roses and sunshine, but I’ve learned who I am and what I want….and most importantly, I’ve made a promise to myself to look out for numero uno and to never settle for less than what I deserve and want.

Move forward to today.
He called.

It’s not the first time that he’s called since back then — but this time he called not to say
hello
i miss you
how are you

no

he called to tell me that he finally did it. He finally came to grips with the fact that he is not in love with her, that he had tried to make it work for years now….and nothing. It just wasn’t there anymore and hadn’t been for a long time.

He called to tell me he had taken the first step. Separation.

I asked about his family and whether or not they were supportive and he said he felt they would be but that he hadn’t told them yet. When I asked why not his response was that he wanted me to be the first to know. (What’s that mean? Why me? Why me first?)

He went on to say that he felt like he owed it to me to be first to know — that he had always said if things changed that he would come to me. I guess that’s what he was doing……but I’m confused.

I’m not sure if I should be upset because it’s the breaking up of a family or if I should be a little upbeat because of the possibility of what may come out of it for me IF I DECIDE to persue anything in the future.

I know what we had…..and it was amazing. Simply amazing. But – it wasn’t 100% real. And by that, I mean, we weren’t living in a colorful world sharing our relationship with everyone, instead we were simply living in a secluded black and white world of our very own. I can’t help but question if everything we shared was a result of the “secret” we kept from the world or rather because it was the most real thing I had ever experienced.

He wasn’t asking for anything tonight – and he wasn’t saying he wanted to rekindle things, but what did he mean by his comment of wanting me to know first – before anyone else – what course he was charting?

I haven’t even laid eyes on him in… I can’t even remember. But I know him. I know how I felt every time he entered the room…….and every time he left.

No one is saying that the sparks are igniting again – but what I am saying is that I’m confused by it all. I once thought I’d never ever want to see him again — I also once thought that I’d never be complete without him. Now I don’t know what to think.

Part of me says to keep walking and never look back – that things are in the past for a reason & to let them stay there….the other part of me wants something but I don’t know exactly what that something is and I wonder if the “want to see what might happen” is a mindless ploy to throw off the loneliness I experience.

It’s obvious I’m confused. I don’t know what I want. I definitely don’t know what he wants. And I certainly don’t know the whole story as to why me? why now?

Is the journey ahead a pretty & peaceful ride into the sunset or is it a slow walk on a wooden plank that ends in the drowning of everything that’s grown and changed over the past year and a half?

What’s even more complexing is the fact that last year I found someone that was placed in my life by no mistake. Since then, he’s been the epitomy of everything I’ve always wanted……we are friends and although at first it appeared that we could quickly become more our paths changed. Instead, he became a dear and close friend. One that I love more than life itself and he’s shown me what real love and true happiness is all about. In a way, he’s become the measuring stick for the men in my life.

Would the man from my past measure up?

I don’ t know……
I just don’t know…..

Nothing ventured, nothing gained right? But if all is ventured, then all could be lost.

For now, I’m staying put. The treasure of my heart is safely tucked away and I’m guarding it like I never have before. You see, this past year or so has been a long, thoughtful journey. I’m not ready to chance it or play with the progress……

not yet…..maybe, probably, not ever.

Miss Me?

No? I don’t blame you. Its boring around here these days.

Guess that goes for many others in the blogosphere too as of late. Seems people are disappearing left and right around this place — abandoning their blogs, turning in their keyboards and turning off the bloglamp at their site. Going through my blogroll takes all of 5 minutes these days and I must say its depressing. While I’m not close friends with everyone here I do consider everyone on my blogroll a friend in some capacity and when they give up the ghost and close the proverbial window to their world I feel banished and blackballed. (Guess that’s better than blue balled but since I don’t have a set of my very own those of you that do will have to be the judge.)

I guess the season changes for some people and they pass through the blogosphere for a while, get their cathartic juices juiced and move on leaving those of us still around left to venture out once again and make new friends. I suppose its a good thing I’ve always been social, huh? To be honest, its not all about that for me either though really. Sure, I enjoy all of you and I have made some great friendships with people here, but at the end of the day, I’m here for me. If I’m fortunate enough to make friends along the journey, fantastic. If not, I’ll still wake in the morning, albeit with fewer people to read, but I’m awake nonetheless.

I’ll be cleaning up my blogroll in the next few days – deleting links I’ve shared almost since day one of birthing this site, adding others that I’ve come across recently that have sparked my interest, and moving others around that I hope will someday return…… I guess cleaning out the blogroll resembles, in a way, cleaning out the closet – and for me, that’s always been a difficult task. The most well worn clothes and most treasured shoes journeyed through both good and bad times – just as have many of my friends on my blogroll………..

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For those of you wondering, I am feeling much better. After a shot in the ass and a round of antibiotics I feel almost back to normal (whatever that is)! Thanks for checking in on me so often and sending comments and emails! You guys are the best!

AND since I missed it last week because I was sick I’m holding National De-lurking Week here this week! If you’re lurking around here and reading the ramblings I utter forth, please take a moment to say hello and delurk. I often see “regulars” in my statcounter that pass through and it would be nice to recognize you and give a nod back your way! Of course, you only need to say hello, but anything more you’d like to add would be great too — like, your age, marital status, income, location….no really…..maybe how you came across this place and why you keep coming back!

Alright, that’s it people. I’m going to bed! It’s late…er….early….and I’m breaking a resolution by even being here this time of night! Goodnight!

Yackety-Yak

• I’m still sick but have a DR appt tomorrow. I figured when I started coughing up velvety red plasma today that I might need to check things out. Thank you for all the well wishes, prayers, emails, etc you sent my way – it’s nice to know people care – especially when you’re sick.

• I read 3 books while I was laying around sick last week and over the weekend.

1. “Cross” by James Patterson — great read. I always love his Alex Cross books and this one was no different.
2. “The Innocent Man” by John Grisham – another good read, although different than his normal pace and a non-fiction tale as well. Corruption, maleficence – a judicial nightmare…literally. And lastly,
   
3. “The King of Lies” by John Hart. A friend of mine recommended this book and I am so very glad he did. I literally could not lay the book down and read it in one day. It is quite possibly my favorite read ever. That’s saying something since I read tons of books a year and have done so for many years. I simply don’t have the words to describe it – but if you enjoy thrillers, eloquent prose, imagery so real you literally feel “in the book” with the characters, you should pick it up. I promise you will not be disappointed.

• GO GATORS! NCAA National Football Champions!!!! I always pull for SEC teams in bowl games. And in all but one of my college bowl picks I picked them to win. Yay! They spanked the Buckeyes if I do say so myself and I am absolutely thrilled over it. Thrilled I tell you. OSU had not played the caliber of opponents that Florida had this year and they seemed to walk with a premature victory gate. My impression was that they only thought they had to utter through 4 quarters of play and collect their trophy and title. Ha! Oh victory is so sweet! Don’t misunderstand, Ohio is a good team — but they weren’t good enough – not tonight. (And to think, we only lost to them 17-16 when we played them — and should have won!!!)

Sick

I’ve been sick for a week now.

I was out of work Thursday and Friday with 101+ fevers. If you know me then you know I’m NEVER out of work sick…this should tell you something. I spent the days curled up in bed sleeping my life away.

I’ve self medicated more than I probably should have just to get relief…..excuse me, to ATTEMPT to get relief.

And in the middle of ^ this sickness, I somehow acquired a stomach bug too. Or at least that’s what I think it was.

I feel *some* better – I don’t have a fever – but I’m still not 100% and I’ve coughed my head off today. My body aches. My chest hurts, my ears are ringing, my head is throbbing, my throat is raw and I’m coughing up “stuff” every few minutes. I’m wondering if I should be concerned about the “stuff” I’m coughing up. If it continues I guess I’ll go to the Dr.

I’m still alive and should be in the bed asleep. I was. But the coughing and spitting woke me up with force. I’m going to try to go back to sleep now.

If you believe in prayer, please say one for me. I’ll be back when I can.

Thought for the Day

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”
~Henry David Thoreau

Fits nicely with my previous post don’t you think?

One of many of this year’s resolutions, Go Confidently after the things my heart imagines and be not afraid of what the future holds. Chart my own course and steer my vessel to the horizon of my desires.